Seeing a therapist is tough work! Rewarding, empowering, scary, fulfilling. I was talking to my therapist about my leaving the workforce after having my second child. My whole life I have been competitive, achievement-oriented, focused on winning. Now I was not working, at home with two young children with little adult interaction due to COVID. I was full of gratitude and love, but also felt lost. My therapist said to me, "it sound like you're having a bit of an identity crisis."
Oh that made me mad. Well, mostly defensive, and a little mad. I was so sure of my values, satisfied with much of life, and proud of so many things, that the concept around questioning identity upset me. But as I sat with his comment for the next few days, I realized he was right. So now what?
The concept of identity is a complex one. I believe it is a non-linear thing - identity changes, ebbs and flows. Things that are central to our identity can fade over time while other things are core forever. I believe having children shook my identity, ultimately in a good way, but not without challenge and uncertainty. My desire to achieve and be viewed a certain way to outside world grew incongruent with my desire to be with my children. I still struggle with this at times...
Some takeaways for me over this last year as I've thought about identity and rebuilding parts of mine:
Identity is something to think about and reflect on intentionally
Identity can change over time; that change can be welcomed and also rattling
Finding your identity in the world as a new parent can be very, very difficult
You can feel like your losing your identity, and you can also actively work/fight for it
Part of our identities can feel at odds with other parts...what can we do about it?
Two seemingly opposing things can be true at once. And that is ok.
I don't have all the answers, as I'm on the journey myself. I think time for reflection, some self acceptance and kindness are helpful.
