Identity crisis 5.14.21

Seeing a therapist is tough work! Rewarding, empowering, scary, fulfilling. I was talking to my therapist about my leaving the workforce after having my second child. My whole life I have been competitive, achievement-oriented, focused on winning. Now I was not working, at home with two young children with little adult interaction due to COVID. I was full of gratitude and love, but also felt lost. My therapist said to me, "it sound like you're having a bit of an identity crisis."

Oh that made me mad. Well, mostly defensive, and a little mad. I was so sure of my values, satisfied with much of life, and proud of so many things, that the concept around questioning identity upset me. But as I sat with his comment for the next few days, I realized he was right. So now what?

The concept of identity is a complex one. I believe it is a non-linear thing - identity changes, ebbs and flows. Things that are central to our identity can fade over time while other things are core forever. I believe having children shook my identity, ultimately in a good way, but not without challenge and uncertainty. My desire to achieve and be viewed a certain way to outside world grew incongruent with my desire to be with my children. I still struggle with this...

Some takeaways for me over this last year as I've thought about identity and rebuilding parts of mine:

• Identity is something to think about and reflect on intentionally

• Identity can change over time; that change can be welcomed and also rattling

• Finding your identity in the world as a new parent can be very, very difficult

• You can feel like your losing your identity, and you can also actively work/fight for it

• Part of our identities can feel at odds with other parts...what can we do about it?

• Two seemingly opposing things can be true at once. And that is ok.

I don't have many answers, as I'm on the journey. I think time for reflection, some self acceptance and kindness are helpful.